I keep hearing the same tired argument: if Black women want to date men like us, our standards are too high. Dr. Umar once said it was unreasonable for Black women to expect Black men to provide the kind of lifestyle a white man can.
But let’s be clear , that’s not what we’re asking for. We’re not asking men to be white men. We’re asking them to meet the level we’ve already set for ourselves. The lifestyle we built. The stability we maintain. The goals we chase. The standard is me. I am the standard.
So when men say our standards are too high, what they’re really saying is that we’re not good enough for ourselves. That a Black woman asking for what she already has is somehow unreasonable. That’s not standards being too high. That’s men admitting they don’t measure up.
And it’s revealing. Because no one calls it “too high” when men set expectations for women, they call it tradition. They call it preference. But when Black women expect reciprocity, suddenly it’s impossible. Suddenly it’s a problem.
That double standard has nothing to do with us. It has everything to do with insecurity. If matching our own standard is too much to ask, the problem isn’t us, it’s them.
